He Never Said it would be Easy

As always, where can I possibly begin? I’m going through an often discouraging, overwhelming time right now as I struggle to remain close to Jesus during multiple life transitions. Work in particular is kicking me in the face most days, and lately my questions have included... why have You called me here, God, if I'm not going to be able to follow through?

The following are snapshots in words (photos of Manila will be posted within the next week, I promise!)

If nothing else, please scroll all the way down to find out how you can pray…

Manila

It’s been a month since the other Servant Partners interns and I have been back from Manila, Philippines. Even now, I honestly don’t know what to make of my time immersed in the lives of God’s people in the slum community of Pajo. How can I sum up what it was like to witness poverty like I’ve never witnessed before, yet to be lavished with love and generosity like never before? I experienced the discomfort and beauty of communicating and bonding with my host family and others in the community, despite not being able to speak Tagalog. I learned to appreciate doing nothing with others, particularly with my awesome 18-year-old host sister, Beth, and finding worth and joy in each day not because of the activities and concerns I am consumed by here in L.A. that give me an incomplete sense of significance, but because Jesus is fully present even in the things and people that seem totally insignificant. I saw the body/church of Christ actively serving the needy day in and day out, despite itself being “poor” by our Western standards (lack of a nice, clean, well-equipped church building and facilities; “sophisticated” programs and outreach strategies; a faithful pastor and his wife who often do not have enough money to feed their children well). I learned to live in the midst of dirtiness and aesthetic ugliness, that my friends in Pajo and Balic-Balic live in 24/7 because they have no other choice. I learned to receive from God’s people in these two communities without striving or expecting to be able to repay them with my “wealth” – whether wealth of knowledge, education, experiences, or resources.

My host family is broken, yet beautiful (sounds like my biological and Christian family) – Kuya Nonoy, Ate Malyn, Beth, 4 year old Jan-Jan, 2 year old Grazy, and baby Shane, who was born a few days before we arrived in Manila. I had compared my experience with that of Preethi’s, Nancy’s, and Michelle’s seemingly more positive experiences with their host families. I know now that God had placed me there, just as he has my biological family and family in Christ.

Question that all the SP interns had to ponder during the Manila weekend debrief after we got back: What would it take for me to stay long term in the slums of Manila?

Intensive Luke Study

Since the second weekend after we got back from Manila, we’ve been studying the first several chapters of the Gospel of Luke inductively, meaning each of the interns has the entire gospel of Luke in “manuscript” form, double spaced, typed, without chapter divisions. We study Scripture using reference books to look up cultural, historical context, along with Greek meanings of certain words, etc. to better understand the context and also to see more richly how God’s word translates to real life in 2006.

Thoughts:
- Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary’s roles in the coming of the Savior of the world… what must it have been like to directly be a part of God’s salvation of the world through Jesus?
- we all thirst for significance, not righteousness
- living for Jesus is not about increasing my significance
- Jesus came to earth in the humblest way possible… he came to live among us, knowing that his death for our salvation was his destination. So what?
- what does it mean to “bear fruits that befit repentance,” to not just “believe” Jesus and to play church but to live Jesus and be church?

Through unexpected visitors one night a few weeks ago (a black family – a mom, 10 year old daughter, 6 year old son, 1 year old son), I realized… that I can learn all I want about urban poor communities, community development, loving God and my neighbor, serving the poor, but when it comes down to it, am I truly willing to pay the price and to commit? I learned that in the black community, respect is earned, and that handouts are not the way to establish relationships based on respect, especially when our neighbors likely perceive my housemates and me as wealthy.

New ways of being in “community” and being interdependent with my brothers and sisters in Christ that I have never experienced before… these are people I’ve only known for about 2 months, yet I am being called out, loved on, and have witnessed people being real in ways that I did not witness in friends I’ve known for a lot longer.

Churches we have visited so far during our church rotations (purpose of the church rotations that will continue until the end of January is to glimpse what God is doing through different church communities in Los Angeles as a whole):

- Lake Avenue (http://www.lakeavefamily.org)
- Young Nak (http://www.ynem.org/)
- West Angeles C.O.G.I.C. (Church of God in Christ - http://www.westa.org/)
- Evergreen Baptist Church (http://www.ebcla.org/)

Some questions we answer after every visit:
- What age, ethnic group and class is this ministry seeking, appealing to? How do you know?
- What are the spoken and visible values of this congregation?
- Why is the gospel good news to this group of people?

A conversation on AIM that may be more telling than what I can express right now…

Son0fBruce: how's work and stuff for you?
d3wdr0p: hard...
d3wdr0p: really discouraging most days.
d3wdr0p: there's too much to think about and do all the time, whether at work or back here at leighton house.
d3wdr0p: and doing... meaning building relationships also
Son0fBruce:
yeahd3wdr0p: dealing with the fact that there's really no personal space here in this house. d3wdr0p: when i get home from work.
d3wdr0p: and that this is something i chose.. i knew it already
d3wdr0p: beforehand. d3wdr0p: but living it day to day is a different thing of course. Son0fBruce: yeah
d3wdr0p: and knowing limits also.. within the necessity of
d3wdr0p: bonding as a household.
d3wdr0p: particularly during this initial timed3wdr0p: in the beginning.
d3wdr0p: work is kicking me in the face almost daily... yeah i don't know how to explain it. so many transitions all at once... and it's hard to remember what God did and revealed
d3wdr0p: for me to be here now.
d3wdr0p: and i'm asking God what it means to be "fully" here.. in light of the fact that i still have friends from the garden that i care deeply about and also family.
d3wdr0p: anyway
d3wdr0p: hahad
3wdr0p: i'll stop.
Son0fBruce: it's ok
Son0fBruce: just good to know that you are still kicking
d3wdr0p: am i?
Son0fBruce: yeah... you're alive
d3wdr0p: i feel defeated so much of the time..
d3wdr0p: yeah.
d3wdr0p: i am.
d3wdr0p: well, one definite praise from this past week.. i've had 4 conversations with students or coworkers about God.
d3wdr0p: so the whole... what makes jesus relevant in my life & in their lives... came up of course.
d3wdr0p: good way of seeing how poorly i share the gospel & good practice also..
Son0fBruce: well that's cool
Son0fBruce: what happened?
d3wdr0p: nothing.. haha. it was just.. you know, lunch and conversation over lunch
d3wdr0p: but it was different just talking to people who... don't want to hear about Jesus the way we tend to talk about him usually..
d3wdr0p: it was challenging.. and it was hard to explain that it's not about works.
d3wdr0p: and being religious.
d3wdr0p: going to church several times a week, being moral, doing community service/good, etc. etc.
d3wdr0p: and it was hard to explain manila
d3wdr0p: and also what i'm doing with servant partners
Son0fBruce: how come?
d3wdr0p: because i know i'm here and i was in manila to share christ.. but in manila for example, i was with people who already know christ... and i was learning from them, and was encouraged by them... and i also spent time with people who aren't "living fully" for jesus, but then i start to think... but God is already moving in people's lives, they just don't realize it.. so now i'm asking Him what this means. especially here in south la. and another thing too is just.. being so busy with work that i'm too tired to even think/pray about what God wants to happen with our neighbors.
d3wdr0p: i guess i want to learn to assume that God IS present in people's lives and talk to them as if they know this is true.
Son0fBruce: yeah that's what missions is all about
Son0fBruce: it's cool that you are living that out
d3wdr0p: and with people at work, particularly the students, i don't want to just...
d3wdr0p: move in too fast so to speak
Son0fBruce: and even having those problems
d3wdr0p: because it's not the same
d3wdr0p: as just getting to know my fellow students d3wdr0p: from pepperdine
d3wdr0p: or peers i mean
d3wdr0p: i know i have to take into account the fact that it hasn't been that long yet since we started this internship
d3wdr0p: i think it's just the sense of urgency
d3wdr0p: not wanting to waste time
d3wdr0p: not wanting to just.. miss out.
d3wdr0p: because i'm too tired, discouraged, etc. d3wdr0p: it's hard not expecting God to move in certain ways. or having certain expectations.. .

Pray for...

Aftermath of a fire in Balic-Balic...
- we literally just found out last night about a fire that broke out in Balic-Balic, railroad track slum community that Servant Partners ministers to... 10 homes were burned, 3 of those homes were completely destroyed, but praise God that no one was hurt
- pray for strength, wisdom for the church leaders/community as they work together to uplift and provide for those with particularly desperate needs (we currently have new SP staff training there with Aaron and Emma)
- pray that Jesus will be more relevant than ever

Karen...
she is a fellow SP intern who is from out of state, just spent $800 fixing her car (which she needs to get to and from the job she just started on Monday) and it isn't starting. She is feeling overwhelmed and carrying the weight of making wrong decision after decision, as well as her parents worrying and saying "I told you so... where is God now?"

Beth, Jen, Molly, and Casey...
- to find full time and another part time job (Casey)
- to decide, in wisdom, whether to take the jobs that they will be offered

My household - Jen, Casey, Molly (as well as all 15 of us interns as a community)... for us to commit to each other and to do whatever it takes, in love, to help one another to grow in the Lord.

My neighborhood on and around my street... that the reign of Jesus Christ will be evident.

My family... that my mom, dad, Jonny, and Lydia will be changed daily by Jesus

Me...
- restored hope, joy, rest (physical, spiritual, mental, emotional)
- to persevere, especially each day as I pray with a heavy heart about work, and run like a mad chicken until after 6 p.m. (the time that I should be leaving work, but usually don't) only to feel like I can never accomplish enough or do well enough, despite giving my best effort (does this sound like anything but faith through God's grace??)
- to hear and love the word of God and to obey
- the 10 minute devotional that I'll be sharing in front of 17 people on Sunday (other SP interns + SP staff), which I have yet to prepare... pray that I'll hear afresh from God about something He's already burned into my core

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the SPirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:22-25

for, through, by, in JESUS,
court

P.S.

If you are not busy this Saturday night, Nov. 4, there is a Servant Partners Community Night in Pasadena for those who are interested in finding out more about this ministry and the work that is being done... please email me if you would like more info!!