hello, world. it's almost 2007! i have had a week off from work and it has been busier than i would have liked it to be, but i have gotten sleep, spent time with family and some friends. God has touched my distant, anxious, sorrowful heart unexpectedly during my time off... in the midst of everything that still remains terribly wrong, and i am so thankful. i don't feel ready to go back to work on tuesday, nor do i feel ready to leave my family again to go back to the life that God has called me to... i am not ready to continue the daily grind of "adulthood," to see my weaknesses, faithlessness, and issues magnified on a daily basis, to fail at learning from mistakes, to ask questions not know the answers, to not know what in the world i am doing, to feel like i am doing nothing right, particularly when it comes to loving God, my "neighbors", and the people i care most about, to feel lonely, to miss certain people terribly... but Jesus is with me, and that means everything. we are alive now because God loves us and is not done with us yet.
just want to say happy new year and may Jesus fill you with fresh hope and peace as he reminds you of how faithful he has been to you in 2006 and that he holds this new year and YOU securely and closely to him.
on memorial stones (tangible reminders of what God has done, such as the twelve stones that the Israelites took out of the Jordan river when God dried it up for them to cross over) of 2006, i will post on those hopefully soon...
"And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan. he said to the Israelites, 'in the future when your descendents ask their fathers, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them, 'Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.' for the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. the LORD your God did to the Jordan just what He had done to the Red Sea when He dried it up before us until we had crossed over. He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God." Joshua 4:20-24
Sunday, December 31, 2006
Sunday, November 26, 2006
I Said, I Have Labored to No Purpose
"Listen to me, you islands; hear this, you distant nations: Before I was born the LORD called me; from my birth he has made mention of my name.... He said to me, 'You are my servant, Israel, in whom I will display my splendor.' But I said, 'I have labored to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due me is in the LORD's hand, and my reward is with my God." Isaiah 49:1, 3-4
Praises
- Servant Partners Community Night on 11.04.06:
* there were many more people than expected that night – donors, Servant Partners staff, board members, friends of the organization, all the interns
* we were given a snapshot of Servant Partners’ first 13 years and how God is working through SP in Los Angeles, Pomona, Northwest Pasadena, Lincoln Heights, Bangkok, Mexico City, Northeast Africa, North Africa, Manila, India, Nairobi, the Middle East, are preparing to send full time missionaries to Brazil, Honduras, and are prayerfully considering starting new sites in New York or Boston. What God is doing through Servant Partners is so much bigger than the internship I’m a part of!
* I got to meet Ingrid in person for the first time, a sister in Christ who is also involved with urban ministry in South L.A., but with World Impact
* The Lincoln Heights Servant Partners church plant will officially be meeting as a house church beginning in January (this is where my mom lived and went to school when she first came to L.A. as a teenager!).
- Jen and Beth both have full time jobs!
- Molly has been at a temp job that will last until December at least.
- God has been providing Karen with transportation to work and back
- The 10 minute devotional I gave many Sundays ago (on Philippians 3 – everything being rubbish compared to knowing Jesus) turned out to be a blessing, though I was grieving to the point of weeping that morning because of how I am not living this out
- There is light at last regarding work
I confess that I am a mess
- This Thanksgiving break has been a blessed time with family and friends, but has also been bittersweet because I am getting caught up in the need to spend money during Christmas (especially since I have a full time job), and to strive to show many people in my life that I care about them, that they are appreciated, to the point of being overwhelmed, feeling sick- I am battling with feelings of loneliness (especially in regard to the community and ministry that once was my life at the Garden), frequent joylessness, fearing work consuming me again
- I am battling discouragement regarding how much I still have to learn to be a responsible adult, and good steward of the time, money, relationships, that God has given me
- I am having trouble accepting my limitations, especially my failure at keeping in touch with people who have written me emails, called and left messages for me to call them back, the friends who are overseas or not in L.A. that I’ve failed to keep in touch with
- Work
* Only about two weeks ago, I was on the verge of leaving this job that seemed to be consuming me, and seemed to be a hindrance to being fully present in my household, internship, neighborhood
* There has been slow progress, but progress nevertheless… there are two older Christians at work who have been there awhile that have prayed with me and encouraged me… I was given my three month review by my supervisor and his boss last week, and somehow got a far more amazing review than I could’ve hoped for… the things that my bosses see in me could have only been shown to them by God because the way I’ve been feeling does not match up with what they’ve witnessed. God constantly crafts something in us that reflects His glory even when we feel we’re utterly failing
* I’ve been praying about whether this job is really where God wants me to be, and am seeing that sometimes God gives us the freedom to choose and doesn’t give us a clear answer about one choice being wrong and the other being right
- It is hard for me to rest, and to take seriously our need for Sabbath rest each week because this did not happen during my time in college- God spoke through various people in the past two weeks about me carrying much guilt, anxiety (both of which are life-long root issues that need to be healed), and how I place all these pressures upon myself to be constantly productive (whether in my relationships, at work, outside of work, with God), and to prove to others that I care about them rather than being content with who I am being enough
- I often question whether I made the right decision in choosing to do this internship and live away from home, where difficult things are happening
Community
- My Servant Partners community is one that amazes me and is a richer glimpse of God’s kingdom than I’ve ever known before
- I have been lavished with unrelenting care that I am not used to… particularly through my household and several other interns. There were many nights when I left work late again, wanted to run away and hide from the world… came home wholly exhausted, and my roomies loved me by making my bed, folding my pajamas, leaving me notes. My sisters in Christ have been patiently listening, praying with and for me, speaking words that have been hard to hear but I’ve needed to hear. Even in my shame, I can be honest and know that God is building us up for life as we all do this internship together
My family
- My parents celebrated their 26th year of marriage on October 22! Praise God, despite the bittersweetness
- I found out from my mom that my sister has been asking difficult questions, such as why we have to die/suffer even though we are saved… why we have to suffer for what Adam and Eve did… It pains me to know that I don’t call her or pray with her enough, and am not the involved older sister that I could be were I to be at home right now
- My mom also shared that my sister often rebels against her, doesn’t listen to her when she tells her to do her homework, take a shower, go to bed, etc. because my sis is angry at God- It is hard to see God’s presence in my family, especially because so much of what we have been dealing in the past is still evident
A glimpse of the Luke study that took place on 11.02.06:
- What is there to be learned about Christ’s baptism, geneology, temptations?
- How do we deal with temptation? What is our ministry and our households marked by, when we look soberly at these?
- Jesus refuted cultural expectations of him as the Messiah
- We took a look at Jesus, the Messiah, according to Satan/the World (what we daily battle against) and according to Jesus Himself
Two Sunday afternoons of racial reconciliation training with second year interns and SP staff
- Theological study or practice - which comes first? Everyone has a theology of racial reconciliation. The way we live reveals our theology… the way we perceive may be something different
- Through different Old and New Testament passages that we studied together, these questions and thoughts arose:
· Christ’s power unites all peoples, beyond racial, cultural, socioeconomical barriers.
· How much of our spirituality in the church has to do with us being with people who understand us, won’t take what we say in the wrong way, won’t exclude us, the worship style we’re comfortable with?
· Scripture shows how God called His people to be displaced and how Christ Himself constantly chose displacement, to the point of death on the cross as one of us
· Do we intentionally build relationships with people of many different cultures? Are we willing to understand cultural, historical sins, and racial dynamics, of both other cultures and our own?
· Live by a drive to understand instead of a drive to be understood.
· God may be calling us to be peacemakers in our neighborhoods between different ethnic groups, but we can’t be peacemakers unless we understand and love people for every part of who God designed them to be. This takes commitment and work, and the leading of the Holy Spirit
- Exercise: real-life mapping of a community in Thailand and South L.A.
· We were split into two groups and given descriptions of a community in Thailand and one in South L.A. (the neighborhood around the local, multi-ethnic church, Church of the Redeemer, that the Servant Partners internship director preaches at) and given the task of figuring out where our team members would live, and what type of ministry to begin in these neighborhoods based on demographics, such as racial makeup, existing tensions, economic wealth of certain people groups, racial segregation, values (such as the Thai value of saving face, eating together, fun, relaxation.. beliefs such as Buddhism, animism, ancestor worship); existence of prostitution, adultery, drugs, alcoholism, lack of jobs, etc. We had to think of possible issues, funding needs, etc.
· This is something I learned about hypothetically in religion classes during college, so it’s crazy to be able to witness the fruit of this process both during my time in Manila, and also through Servant Partners.
· Despite this internship only lasting for two years, we must have faith that the presence of the Holy Spirit through our community in our neighborhoods is plenty of time for His kingdom to come, both in our neighborhoods and in our lives.
Devotionals
- Each first year intern was assigned to give a 10 minute devotional every Sunday beginning in October. The purpose of this is to prepare us to be people who are ready to share Scripture and about what God’s doing in our lives at any moment, and to prepare us for the 20 minute sermon that we’ll each be giving sometime at the end of our first year of this internship.
- Common themes among the devotionals that have been given: * Persevere.. starting is easy, but it’s following through that is hard. It’s easy to talk about incarnational living and serving a poor community with our lives but another thing to live it and feel the pain of not being the people of faith we’re supposed to be. It is hard to actively be a community, and not just settle for doing this internship and living together. Persevere in confessing our sins to each other so that we will help each other to keep going. * This is a time of figuring out our identity, God’s work in us, which parts of us are rooted in Christ and are not rooted in Christ. * Fighting the feeling of being a burden by asking for help (prayer, advice that’s hard to receive, etc.); fighting the fear of being known for who we really are and the risk of feeling rejected* Embracing our neediness for Jesus and each other* Feeling overwhelmed, isolated, misunderstood* Dealing with old struggles in a new context * Our need to be significant, needed… taking on the burdens of the world as well as our own* It is God’s grace to us that we’re even doing this internship
Church visits (mixed ethnic congregations)
- St. Agatha Catholic (http://www.archdiocese.la/directories/parishes/info.php?parish_id=65)
* This was the first mass that I’ve attended
* I was surprised by the upbeat worship, complete with a trombone in the mix
* It was interesting to see how meticulously planned the prayers and songs are, down to the specific ones meant to be uttered that particular day
- Church of the Redeemer
* local, multi-ethnic South L.A. church that meets in an elementary school cafeteria a few blocks away from where I live (I went for the first time during interview weekend back in March), where Kevin Blue, the internship director, preaches
* I also felt very welcome here
* songs are in both English and Spanish
* I will be praying about being a part of this church body after the church visitations are over, because I’ll have the chance to get to know people outside of Servant Partners who live in South L.A., and get to know people of different cultures
- Pasadena Church of God (http://www.pasadenachurch.com/)
*This is where Brad, the SP full time staff leader who oversees the Pasadena side of SP, preaches
* I felt totally welcome there
* Through the way that the people worshipped God through song, I sensed many burdens, but genuine praise of Jesus Christ despite the heaviness
* People were encouraged to freely worship and pray to God in whichever posture they were led to during an extended time of worship before Pastor Kerwin began preaching
* Sermon was from Genesis 18, about Lot, who represents us, the average church-goer and Sodom, the cities that we live in. Lot was righteous, yet selfish, like we are. Sodom, like Los Angeles and every city, was rampant with sin
* Questions: are we living for the city that God has placed us in? Will I only care about the salvation of those in Los Angeles as a whole, South L.A., Pasadena, etc. if it directly has to do with my family, future children, loved ones? Do I desire God’s presence in my city? Pastor Kerwin said, “People are dying and going to hell and the church doesn’t give a damn.” Then he said that some of us in the congregation are more concerned that he said the word “damn” than the part about people dying and going to hell. Sins of Sodom that are evident in Los Angeles and which we must intercede for breakthrough: pride, gluttony/habitual greed/gratifying ourselves in the land of abundance, idleness, oppression
Thanksgiving potluck (early) with Church of the Redeemer brothers & sisters
- I was uncomfortable at first to be at someone’s home and not know most of the people, particularly since most of the people there were Hispanic
- Pastor Danny warmly welcomed Jen, Molly, and me, and encouraged all of us present to speak with those we don’t know well, rather than staying in our pods
- We joined hands in prayer with brothers and sisters of different ethnicities
- The person to my right was a wonderful woman a year older than me named Sandra. I got to ask her many questions about her life, her culture (she’s Guatamalan), and vice versa… which blessed me deeply. I also got to meet two of her cousins, and her aunt. I truly hope to get to know Sandra better.
- Donna, Pastor Danny’s wife, who is Slovakian, sat next to me and I was honored and blessed to be able to engage in such natural conversation with her. I found out about how God called the two of them through the Covenant denomination from another state to come to Los Angeles to plant Church of the Redeemer. Their multiracial marriage and family (three children) is beautiful! It was beautiful to hear her speak of learning to worship in a different way in the context of a multi-ethnic congregation, and how she learned to enjoy Spanish songs, though she doesn’t speak Spanish.
- I am excited about the possibility of being a part of the Redeemer church!
Pray for…
- My family…
* restoration
* continual healing in our relationships with each other; healing in my parents’ marriage
* that the Holy Spirit will give my parents, particularly my mom, wisdom, patience, love, in the ways that they guide/teach Lydia and my brother
* that God will fulfill His promise to us of doing something greater in this family without my physical presence than He would if I were to be living there right now
- My household…
* Jen’s extended period of waiting before she begins her job
* Casey to find another part-time job
* Molly to find a permanent full time job for when her temp one ends in December
- My intern class…
* That God will grow us deeper in unity as households and an intern class
* That God will give us bigger hearts for our neighbors, and lead us to those whom He wants us to know
* Convict us to continually confess our sins to each other, and pray together
* Protection, both physical and spiritual
- Servant Partners…
* Continual protection and leading of the Holy Spirit over the ministry overseas and in Los Angeles
* Wisdom, protection, strength for the full time staff, particularly Kevin Blue, his wife, their son, and Brad, his wife, and their two children
- Me…
* To be filled by the presence, love, grace of God daily – war is constantly being waged on my mind and heart, and I have been wearily fighting
* Wisdom regarding whether this job is the best place for me to be right now
* Strength to persevere, and to love
* That I would let go of the things that I need to let go of in order to live a focused and simple life
* Rest
Praises
- Servant Partners Community Night on 11.04.06:
* there were many more people than expected that night – donors, Servant Partners staff, board members, friends of the organization, all the interns
* we were given a snapshot of Servant Partners’ first 13 years and how God is working through SP in Los Angeles, Pomona, Northwest Pasadena, Lincoln Heights, Bangkok, Mexico City, Northeast Africa, North Africa, Manila, India, Nairobi, the Middle East, are preparing to send full time missionaries to Brazil, Honduras, and are prayerfully considering starting new sites in New York or Boston. What God is doing through Servant Partners is so much bigger than the internship I’m a part of!
* I got to meet Ingrid in person for the first time, a sister in Christ who is also involved with urban ministry in South L.A., but with World Impact
* The Lincoln Heights Servant Partners church plant will officially be meeting as a house church beginning in January (this is where my mom lived and went to school when she first came to L.A. as a teenager!).
- Jen and Beth both have full time jobs!
- Molly has been at a temp job that will last until December at least.
- God has been providing Karen with transportation to work and back
- The 10 minute devotional I gave many Sundays ago (on Philippians 3 – everything being rubbish compared to knowing Jesus) turned out to be a blessing, though I was grieving to the point of weeping that morning because of how I am not living this out
- There is light at last regarding work
I confess that I am a mess
- This Thanksgiving break has been a blessed time with family and friends, but has also been bittersweet because I am getting caught up in the need to spend money during Christmas (especially since I have a full time job), and to strive to show many people in my life that I care about them, that they are appreciated, to the point of being overwhelmed, feeling sick- I am battling with feelings of loneliness (especially in regard to the community and ministry that once was my life at the Garden), frequent joylessness, fearing work consuming me again
- I am battling discouragement regarding how much I still have to learn to be a responsible adult, and good steward of the time, money, relationships, that God has given me
- I am having trouble accepting my limitations, especially my failure at keeping in touch with people who have written me emails, called and left messages for me to call them back, the friends who are overseas or not in L.A. that I’ve failed to keep in touch with
- Work
* Only about two weeks ago, I was on the verge of leaving this job that seemed to be consuming me, and seemed to be a hindrance to being fully present in my household, internship, neighborhood
* There has been slow progress, but progress nevertheless… there are two older Christians at work who have been there awhile that have prayed with me and encouraged me… I was given my three month review by my supervisor and his boss last week, and somehow got a far more amazing review than I could’ve hoped for… the things that my bosses see in me could have only been shown to them by God because the way I’ve been feeling does not match up with what they’ve witnessed. God constantly crafts something in us that reflects His glory even when we feel we’re utterly failing
* I’ve been praying about whether this job is really where God wants me to be, and am seeing that sometimes God gives us the freedom to choose and doesn’t give us a clear answer about one choice being wrong and the other being right
- It is hard for me to rest, and to take seriously our need for Sabbath rest each week because this did not happen during my time in college- God spoke through various people in the past two weeks about me carrying much guilt, anxiety (both of which are life-long root issues that need to be healed), and how I place all these pressures upon myself to be constantly productive (whether in my relationships, at work, outside of work, with God), and to prove to others that I care about them rather than being content with who I am being enough
- I often question whether I made the right decision in choosing to do this internship and live away from home, where difficult things are happening
Community
- My Servant Partners community is one that amazes me and is a richer glimpse of God’s kingdom than I’ve ever known before
- I have been lavished with unrelenting care that I am not used to… particularly through my household and several other interns. There were many nights when I left work late again, wanted to run away and hide from the world… came home wholly exhausted, and my roomies loved me by making my bed, folding my pajamas, leaving me notes. My sisters in Christ have been patiently listening, praying with and for me, speaking words that have been hard to hear but I’ve needed to hear. Even in my shame, I can be honest and know that God is building us up for life as we all do this internship together
My family
- My parents celebrated their 26th year of marriage on October 22! Praise God, despite the bittersweetness
- I found out from my mom that my sister has been asking difficult questions, such as why we have to die/suffer even though we are saved… why we have to suffer for what Adam and Eve did… It pains me to know that I don’t call her or pray with her enough, and am not the involved older sister that I could be were I to be at home right now
- My mom also shared that my sister often rebels against her, doesn’t listen to her when she tells her to do her homework, take a shower, go to bed, etc. because my sis is angry at God- It is hard to see God’s presence in my family, especially because so much of what we have been dealing in the past is still evident
A glimpse of the Luke study that took place on 11.02.06:
- What is there to be learned about Christ’s baptism, geneology, temptations?
- How do we deal with temptation? What is our ministry and our households marked by, when we look soberly at these?
- Jesus refuted cultural expectations of him as the Messiah
- We took a look at Jesus, the Messiah, according to Satan/the World (what we daily battle against) and according to Jesus Himself
Two Sunday afternoons of racial reconciliation training with second year interns and SP staff
- Theological study or practice - which comes first? Everyone has a theology of racial reconciliation. The way we live reveals our theology… the way we perceive may be something different
- Through different Old and New Testament passages that we studied together, these questions and thoughts arose:
· Christ’s power unites all peoples, beyond racial, cultural, socioeconomical barriers.
· How much of our spirituality in the church has to do with us being with people who understand us, won’t take what we say in the wrong way, won’t exclude us, the worship style we’re comfortable with?
· Scripture shows how God called His people to be displaced and how Christ Himself constantly chose displacement, to the point of death on the cross as one of us
· Do we intentionally build relationships with people of many different cultures? Are we willing to understand cultural, historical sins, and racial dynamics, of both other cultures and our own?
· Live by a drive to understand instead of a drive to be understood.
· God may be calling us to be peacemakers in our neighborhoods between different ethnic groups, but we can’t be peacemakers unless we understand and love people for every part of who God designed them to be. This takes commitment and work, and the leading of the Holy Spirit
- Exercise: real-life mapping of a community in Thailand and South L.A.
· We were split into two groups and given descriptions of a community in Thailand and one in South L.A. (the neighborhood around the local, multi-ethnic church, Church of the Redeemer, that the Servant Partners internship director preaches at) and given the task of figuring out where our team members would live, and what type of ministry to begin in these neighborhoods based on demographics, such as racial makeup, existing tensions, economic wealth of certain people groups, racial segregation, values (such as the Thai value of saving face, eating together, fun, relaxation.. beliefs such as Buddhism, animism, ancestor worship); existence of prostitution, adultery, drugs, alcoholism, lack of jobs, etc. We had to think of possible issues, funding needs, etc.
· This is something I learned about hypothetically in religion classes during college, so it’s crazy to be able to witness the fruit of this process both during my time in Manila, and also through Servant Partners.
· Despite this internship only lasting for two years, we must have faith that the presence of the Holy Spirit through our community in our neighborhoods is plenty of time for His kingdom to come, both in our neighborhoods and in our lives.
Devotionals
- Each first year intern was assigned to give a 10 minute devotional every Sunday beginning in October. The purpose of this is to prepare us to be people who are ready to share Scripture and about what God’s doing in our lives at any moment, and to prepare us for the 20 minute sermon that we’ll each be giving sometime at the end of our first year of this internship.
- Common themes among the devotionals that have been given: * Persevere.. starting is easy, but it’s following through that is hard. It’s easy to talk about incarnational living and serving a poor community with our lives but another thing to live it and feel the pain of not being the people of faith we’re supposed to be. It is hard to actively be a community, and not just settle for doing this internship and living together. Persevere in confessing our sins to each other so that we will help each other to keep going. * This is a time of figuring out our identity, God’s work in us, which parts of us are rooted in Christ and are not rooted in Christ. * Fighting the feeling of being a burden by asking for help (prayer, advice that’s hard to receive, etc.); fighting the fear of being known for who we really are and the risk of feeling rejected* Embracing our neediness for Jesus and each other* Feeling overwhelmed, isolated, misunderstood* Dealing with old struggles in a new context * Our need to be significant, needed… taking on the burdens of the world as well as our own* It is God’s grace to us that we’re even doing this internship
Church visits (mixed ethnic congregations)
- St. Agatha Catholic (http://www.archdiocese.la/directories/parishes/info.php?parish_id=65)
* This was the first mass that I’ve attended
* I was surprised by the upbeat worship, complete with a trombone in the mix
* It was interesting to see how meticulously planned the prayers and songs are, down to the specific ones meant to be uttered that particular day
- Church of the Redeemer
* local, multi-ethnic South L.A. church that meets in an elementary school cafeteria a few blocks away from where I live (I went for the first time during interview weekend back in March), where Kevin Blue, the internship director, preaches
* I also felt very welcome here
* songs are in both English and Spanish
* I will be praying about being a part of this church body after the church visitations are over, because I’ll have the chance to get to know people outside of Servant Partners who live in South L.A., and get to know people of different cultures
- Pasadena Church of God (http://www.pasadenachurch.com/)
*This is where Brad, the SP full time staff leader who oversees the Pasadena side of SP, preaches
* I felt totally welcome there
* Through the way that the people worshipped God through song, I sensed many burdens, but genuine praise of Jesus Christ despite the heaviness
* People were encouraged to freely worship and pray to God in whichever posture they were led to during an extended time of worship before Pastor Kerwin began preaching
* Sermon was from Genesis 18, about Lot, who represents us, the average church-goer and Sodom, the cities that we live in. Lot was righteous, yet selfish, like we are. Sodom, like Los Angeles and every city, was rampant with sin
* Questions: are we living for the city that God has placed us in? Will I only care about the salvation of those in Los Angeles as a whole, South L.A., Pasadena, etc. if it directly has to do with my family, future children, loved ones? Do I desire God’s presence in my city? Pastor Kerwin said, “People are dying and going to hell and the church doesn’t give a damn.” Then he said that some of us in the congregation are more concerned that he said the word “damn” than the part about people dying and going to hell. Sins of Sodom that are evident in Los Angeles and which we must intercede for breakthrough: pride, gluttony/habitual greed/gratifying ourselves in the land of abundance, idleness, oppression
Thanksgiving potluck (early) with Church of the Redeemer brothers & sisters
- I was uncomfortable at first to be at someone’s home and not know most of the people, particularly since most of the people there were Hispanic
- Pastor Danny warmly welcomed Jen, Molly, and me, and encouraged all of us present to speak with those we don’t know well, rather than staying in our pods
- We joined hands in prayer with brothers and sisters of different ethnicities
- The person to my right was a wonderful woman a year older than me named Sandra. I got to ask her many questions about her life, her culture (she’s Guatamalan), and vice versa… which blessed me deeply. I also got to meet two of her cousins, and her aunt. I truly hope to get to know Sandra better.
- Donna, Pastor Danny’s wife, who is Slovakian, sat next to me and I was honored and blessed to be able to engage in such natural conversation with her. I found out about how God called the two of them through the Covenant denomination from another state to come to Los Angeles to plant Church of the Redeemer. Their multiracial marriage and family (three children) is beautiful! It was beautiful to hear her speak of learning to worship in a different way in the context of a multi-ethnic congregation, and how she learned to enjoy Spanish songs, though she doesn’t speak Spanish.
- I am excited about the possibility of being a part of the Redeemer church!
Pray for…
- My family…
* restoration
* continual healing in our relationships with each other; healing in my parents’ marriage
* that the Holy Spirit will give my parents, particularly my mom, wisdom, patience, love, in the ways that they guide/teach Lydia and my brother
* that God will fulfill His promise to us of doing something greater in this family without my physical presence than He would if I were to be living there right now
- My household…
* Jen’s extended period of waiting before she begins her job
* Casey to find another part-time job
* Molly to find a permanent full time job for when her temp one ends in December
- My intern class…
* That God will grow us deeper in unity as households and an intern class
* That God will give us bigger hearts for our neighbors, and lead us to those whom He wants us to know
* Convict us to continually confess our sins to each other, and pray together
* Protection, both physical and spiritual
- Servant Partners…
* Continual protection and leading of the Holy Spirit over the ministry overseas and in Los Angeles
* Wisdom, protection, strength for the full time staff, particularly Kevin Blue, his wife, their son, and Brad, his wife, and their two children
- Me…
* To be filled by the presence, love, grace of God daily – war is constantly being waged on my mind and heart, and I have been wearily fighting
* Wisdom regarding whether this job is the best place for me to be right now
* Strength to persevere, and to love
* That I would let go of the things that I need to let go of in order to live a focused and simple life
* Rest
Monday, October 30, 2006
He Never Said it would be Easy
As always, where can I possibly begin? I’m going through an often discouraging, overwhelming time right now as I struggle to remain close to Jesus during multiple life transitions. Work in particular is kicking me in the face most days, and lately my questions have included... why have You called me here, God, if I'm not going to be able to follow through?
The following are snapshots in words (photos of Manila will be posted within the next week, I promise!)
If nothing else, please scroll all the way down to find out how you can pray…
Manila
It’s been a month since the other Servant Partners interns and I have been back from Manila, Philippines. Even now, I honestly don’t know what to make of my time immersed in the lives of God’s people in the slum community of Pajo. How can I sum up what it was like to witness poverty like I’ve never witnessed before, yet to be lavished with love and generosity like never before? I experienced the discomfort and beauty of communicating and bonding with my host family and others in the community, despite not being able to speak Tagalog. I learned to appreciate doing nothing with others, particularly with my awesome 18-year-old host sister, Beth, and finding worth and joy in each day not because of the activities and concerns I am consumed by here in L.A. that give me an incomplete sense of significance, but because Jesus is fully present even in the things and people that seem totally insignificant. I saw the body/church of Christ actively serving the needy day in and day out, despite itself being “poor” by our Western standards (lack of a nice, clean, well-equipped church building and facilities; “sophisticated” programs and outreach strategies; a faithful pastor and his wife who often do not have enough money to feed their children well). I learned to live in the midst of dirtiness and aesthetic ugliness, that my friends in Pajo and Balic-Balic live in 24/7 because they have no other choice. I learned to receive from God’s people in these two communities without striving or expecting to be able to repay them with my “wealth” – whether wealth of knowledge, education, experiences, or resources.
My host family is broken, yet beautiful (sounds like my biological and Christian family) – Kuya Nonoy, Ate Malyn, Beth, 4 year old Jan-Jan, 2 year old Grazy, and baby Shane, who was born a few days before we arrived in Manila. I had compared my experience with that of Preethi’s, Nancy’s, and Michelle’s seemingly more positive experiences with their host families. I know now that God had placed me there, just as he has my biological family and family in Christ.
Question that all the SP interns had to ponder during the Manila weekend debrief after we got back: What would it take for me to stay long term in the slums of Manila?
Intensive Luke Study
Since the second weekend after we got back from Manila, we’ve been studying the first several chapters of the Gospel of Luke inductively, meaning each of the interns has the entire gospel of Luke in “manuscript” form, double spaced, typed, without chapter divisions. We study Scripture using reference books to look up cultural, historical context, along with Greek meanings of certain words, etc. to better understand the context and also to see more richly how God’s word translates to real life in 2006.
Thoughts:
- Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary’s roles in the coming of the Savior of the world… what must it have been like to directly be a part of God’s salvation of the world through Jesus?
- we all thirst for significance, not righteousness
- living for Jesus is not about increasing my significance
- Jesus came to earth in the humblest way possible… he came to live among us, knowing that his death for our salvation was his destination. So what?
- what does it mean to “bear fruits that befit repentance,” to not just “believe” Jesus and to play church but to live Jesus and be church?
Through unexpected visitors one night a few weeks ago (a black family – a mom, 10 year old daughter, 6 year old son, 1 year old son), I realized… that I can learn all I want about urban poor communities, community development, loving God and my neighbor, serving the poor, but when it comes down to it, am I truly willing to pay the price and to commit? I learned that in the black community, respect is earned, and that handouts are not the way to establish relationships based on respect, especially when our neighbors likely perceive my housemates and me as wealthy.
New ways of being in “community” and being interdependent with my brothers and sisters in Christ that I have never experienced before… these are people I’ve only known for about 2 months, yet I am being called out, loved on, and have witnessed people being real in ways that I did not witness in friends I’ve known for a lot longer.
Churches we have visited so far during our church rotations (purpose of the church rotations that will continue until the end of January is to glimpse what God is doing through different church communities in Los Angeles as a whole):
- Lake Avenue (http://www.lakeavefamily.org)
- Young Nak (http://www.ynem.org/)
- West Angeles C.O.G.I.C. (Church of God in Christ - http://www.westa.org/)
- Evergreen Baptist Church (http://www.ebcla.org/)
Some questions we answer after every visit:
- What age, ethnic group and class is this ministry seeking, appealing to? How do you know?
- What are the spoken and visible values of this congregation?
- Why is the gospel good news to this group of people?
A conversation on AIM that may be more telling than what I can express right now…
Son0fBruce: how's work and stuff for you?
d3wdr0p: hard...
d3wdr0p: really discouraging most days.
d3wdr0p: there's too much to think about and do all the time, whether at work or back here at leighton house.
d3wdr0p: and doing... meaning building relationships also
Son0fBruce:
yeahd3wdr0p: dealing with the fact that there's really no personal space here in this house. d3wdr0p: when i get home from work.
d3wdr0p: and that this is something i chose.. i knew it already
d3wdr0p: beforehand. d3wdr0p: but living it day to day is a different thing of course. Son0fBruce: yeah
d3wdr0p: and knowing limits also.. within the necessity of
d3wdr0p: bonding as a household.
d3wdr0p: particularly during this initial timed3wdr0p: in the beginning.
d3wdr0p: work is kicking me in the face almost daily... yeah i don't know how to explain it. so many transitions all at once... and it's hard to remember what God did and revealed
d3wdr0p: for me to be here now.
d3wdr0p: and i'm asking God what it means to be "fully" here.. in light of the fact that i still have friends from the garden that i care deeply about and also family.
d3wdr0p: anyway
d3wdr0p: hahad
3wdr0p: i'll stop.
Son0fBruce: it's ok
Son0fBruce: just good to know that you are still kicking
d3wdr0p: am i?
Son0fBruce: yeah... you're alive
d3wdr0p: i feel defeated so much of the time..
d3wdr0p: yeah.
d3wdr0p: i am.
d3wdr0p: well, one definite praise from this past week.. i've had 4 conversations with students or coworkers about God.
d3wdr0p: so the whole... what makes jesus relevant in my life & in their lives... came up of course.
d3wdr0p: good way of seeing how poorly i share the gospel & good practice also..
Son0fBruce: well that's cool
Son0fBruce: what happened?
d3wdr0p: nothing.. haha. it was just.. you know, lunch and conversation over lunch
d3wdr0p: but it was different just talking to people who... don't want to hear about Jesus the way we tend to talk about him usually..
d3wdr0p: it was challenging.. and it was hard to explain that it's not about works.
d3wdr0p: and being religious.
d3wdr0p: going to church several times a week, being moral, doing community service/good, etc. etc.
d3wdr0p: and it was hard to explain manila
d3wdr0p: and also what i'm doing with servant partners
Son0fBruce: how come?
d3wdr0p: because i know i'm here and i was in manila to share christ.. but in manila for example, i was with people who already know christ... and i was learning from them, and was encouraged by them... and i also spent time with people who aren't "living fully" for jesus, but then i start to think... but God is already moving in people's lives, they just don't realize it.. so now i'm asking Him what this means. especially here in south la. and another thing too is just.. being so busy with work that i'm too tired to even think/pray about what God wants to happen with our neighbors.
d3wdr0p: i guess i want to learn to assume that God IS present in people's lives and talk to them as if they know this is true.
Son0fBruce: yeah that's what missions is all about
Son0fBruce: it's cool that you are living that out
d3wdr0p: and with people at work, particularly the students, i don't want to just...
d3wdr0p: move in too fast so to speak
Son0fBruce: and even having those problems
d3wdr0p: because it's not the same
d3wdr0p: as just getting to know my fellow students d3wdr0p: from pepperdine
d3wdr0p: or peers i mean
d3wdr0p: i know i have to take into account the fact that it hasn't been that long yet since we started this internship
d3wdr0p: i think it's just the sense of urgency
d3wdr0p: not wanting to waste time
d3wdr0p: not wanting to just.. miss out.
d3wdr0p: because i'm too tired, discouraged, etc. d3wdr0p: it's hard not expecting God to move in certain ways. or having certain expectations.. .
Pray for...
Aftermath of a fire in Balic-Balic...
- we literally just found out last night about a fire that broke out in Balic-Balic, railroad track slum community that Servant Partners ministers to... 10 homes were burned, 3 of those homes were completely destroyed, but praise God that no one was hurt
- pray for strength, wisdom for the church leaders/community as they work together to uplift and provide for those with particularly desperate needs (we currently have new SP staff training there with Aaron and Emma)
- pray that Jesus will be more relevant than ever
Karen...
she is a fellow SP intern who is from out of state, just spent $800 fixing her car (which she needs to get to and from the job she just started on Monday) and it isn't starting. She is feeling overwhelmed and carrying the weight of making wrong decision after decision, as well as her parents worrying and saying "I told you so... where is God now?"
Beth, Jen, Molly, and Casey...
- to find full time and another part time job (Casey)
- to decide, in wisdom, whether to take the jobs that they will be offered
My household - Jen, Casey, Molly (as well as all 15 of us interns as a community)... for us to commit to each other and to do whatever it takes, in love, to help one another to grow in the Lord.
My neighborhood on and around my street... that the reign of Jesus Christ will be evident.
My family... that my mom, dad, Jonny, and Lydia will be changed daily by Jesus
Me...
- restored hope, joy, rest (physical, spiritual, mental, emotional)
- to persevere, especially each day as I pray with a heavy heart about work, and run like a mad chicken until after 6 p.m. (the time that I should be leaving work, but usually don't) only to feel like I can never accomplish enough or do well enough, despite giving my best effort (does this sound like anything but faith through God's grace??)
- to hear and love the word of God and to obey
- the 10 minute devotional that I'll be sharing in front of 17 people on Sunday (other SP interns + SP staff), which I have yet to prepare... pray that I'll hear afresh from God about something He's already burned into my core
"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the SPirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:22-25
for, through, by, in JESUS,
court
P.S.
If you are not busy this Saturday night, Nov. 4, there is a Servant Partners Community Night in Pasadena for those who are interested in finding out more about this ministry and the work that is being done... please email me if you would like more info!!
The following are snapshots in words (photos of Manila will be posted within the next week, I promise!)
If nothing else, please scroll all the way down to find out how you can pray…
Manila
It’s been a month since the other Servant Partners interns and I have been back from Manila, Philippines. Even now, I honestly don’t know what to make of my time immersed in the lives of God’s people in the slum community of Pajo. How can I sum up what it was like to witness poverty like I’ve never witnessed before, yet to be lavished with love and generosity like never before? I experienced the discomfort and beauty of communicating and bonding with my host family and others in the community, despite not being able to speak Tagalog. I learned to appreciate doing nothing with others, particularly with my awesome 18-year-old host sister, Beth, and finding worth and joy in each day not because of the activities and concerns I am consumed by here in L.A. that give me an incomplete sense of significance, but because Jesus is fully present even in the things and people that seem totally insignificant. I saw the body/church of Christ actively serving the needy day in and day out, despite itself being “poor” by our Western standards (lack of a nice, clean, well-equipped church building and facilities; “sophisticated” programs and outreach strategies; a faithful pastor and his wife who often do not have enough money to feed their children well). I learned to live in the midst of dirtiness and aesthetic ugliness, that my friends in Pajo and Balic-Balic live in 24/7 because they have no other choice. I learned to receive from God’s people in these two communities without striving or expecting to be able to repay them with my “wealth” – whether wealth of knowledge, education, experiences, or resources.
My host family is broken, yet beautiful (sounds like my biological and Christian family) – Kuya Nonoy, Ate Malyn, Beth, 4 year old Jan-Jan, 2 year old Grazy, and baby Shane, who was born a few days before we arrived in Manila. I had compared my experience with that of Preethi’s, Nancy’s, and Michelle’s seemingly more positive experiences with their host families. I know now that God had placed me there, just as he has my biological family and family in Christ.
Question that all the SP interns had to ponder during the Manila weekend debrief after we got back: What would it take for me to stay long term in the slums of Manila?
Intensive Luke Study
Since the second weekend after we got back from Manila, we’ve been studying the first several chapters of the Gospel of Luke inductively, meaning each of the interns has the entire gospel of Luke in “manuscript” form, double spaced, typed, without chapter divisions. We study Scripture using reference books to look up cultural, historical context, along with Greek meanings of certain words, etc. to better understand the context and also to see more richly how God’s word translates to real life in 2006.
Thoughts:
- Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary’s roles in the coming of the Savior of the world… what must it have been like to directly be a part of God’s salvation of the world through Jesus?
- we all thirst for significance, not righteousness
- living for Jesus is not about increasing my significance
- Jesus came to earth in the humblest way possible… he came to live among us, knowing that his death for our salvation was his destination. So what?
- what does it mean to “bear fruits that befit repentance,” to not just “believe” Jesus and to play church but to live Jesus and be church?
Through unexpected visitors one night a few weeks ago (a black family – a mom, 10 year old daughter, 6 year old son, 1 year old son), I realized… that I can learn all I want about urban poor communities, community development, loving God and my neighbor, serving the poor, but when it comes down to it, am I truly willing to pay the price and to commit? I learned that in the black community, respect is earned, and that handouts are not the way to establish relationships based on respect, especially when our neighbors likely perceive my housemates and me as wealthy.
New ways of being in “community” and being interdependent with my brothers and sisters in Christ that I have never experienced before… these are people I’ve only known for about 2 months, yet I am being called out, loved on, and have witnessed people being real in ways that I did not witness in friends I’ve known for a lot longer.
Churches we have visited so far during our church rotations (purpose of the church rotations that will continue until the end of January is to glimpse what God is doing through different church communities in Los Angeles as a whole):
- Lake Avenue (http://www.lakeavefamily.org)
- Young Nak (http://www.ynem.org/)
- West Angeles C.O.G.I.C. (Church of God in Christ - http://www.westa.org/)
- Evergreen Baptist Church (http://www.ebcla.org/)
Some questions we answer after every visit:
- What age, ethnic group and class is this ministry seeking, appealing to? How do you know?
- What are the spoken and visible values of this congregation?
- Why is the gospel good news to this group of people?
A conversation on AIM that may be more telling than what I can express right now…
Son0fBruce: how's work and stuff for you?
d3wdr0p: hard...
d3wdr0p: really discouraging most days.
d3wdr0p: there's too much to think about and do all the time, whether at work or back here at leighton house.
d3wdr0p: and doing... meaning building relationships also
Son0fBruce:
yeahd3wdr0p: dealing with the fact that there's really no personal space here in this house. d3wdr0p: when i get home from work.
d3wdr0p: and that this is something i chose.. i knew it already
d3wdr0p: beforehand. d3wdr0p: but living it day to day is a different thing of course. Son0fBruce: yeah
d3wdr0p: and knowing limits also.. within the necessity of
d3wdr0p: bonding as a household.
d3wdr0p: particularly during this initial timed3wdr0p: in the beginning.
d3wdr0p: work is kicking me in the face almost daily... yeah i don't know how to explain it. so many transitions all at once... and it's hard to remember what God did and revealed
d3wdr0p: for me to be here now.
d3wdr0p: and i'm asking God what it means to be "fully" here.. in light of the fact that i still have friends from the garden that i care deeply about and also family.
d3wdr0p: anyway
d3wdr0p: hahad
3wdr0p: i'll stop.
Son0fBruce: it's ok
Son0fBruce: just good to know that you are still kicking
d3wdr0p: am i?
Son0fBruce: yeah... you're alive
d3wdr0p: i feel defeated so much of the time..
d3wdr0p: yeah.
d3wdr0p: i am.
d3wdr0p: well, one definite praise from this past week.. i've had 4 conversations with students or coworkers about God.
d3wdr0p: so the whole... what makes jesus relevant in my life & in their lives... came up of course.
d3wdr0p: good way of seeing how poorly i share the gospel & good practice also..
Son0fBruce: well that's cool
Son0fBruce: what happened?
d3wdr0p: nothing.. haha. it was just.. you know, lunch and conversation over lunch
d3wdr0p: but it was different just talking to people who... don't want to hear about Jesus the way we tend to talk about him usually..
d3wdr0p: it was challenging.. and it was hard to explain that it's not about works.
d3wdr0p: and being religious.
d3wdr0p: going to church several times a week, being moral, doing community service/good, etc. etc.
d3wdr0p: and it was hard to explain manila
d3wdr0p: and also what i'm doing with servant partners
Son0fBruce: how come?
d3wdr0p: because i know i'm here and i was in manila to share christ.. but in manila for example, i was with people who already know christ... and i was learning from them, and was encouraged by them... and i also spent time with people who aren't "living fully" for jesus, but then i start to think... but God is already moving in people's lives, they just don't realize it.. so now i'm asking Him what this means. especially here in south la. and another thing too is just.. being so busy with work that i'm too tired to even think/pray about what God wants to happen with our neighbors.
d3wdr0p: i guess i want to learn to assume that God IS present in people's lives and talk to them as if they know this is true.
Son0fBruce: yeah that's what missions is all about
Son0fBruce: it's cool that you are living that out
d3wdr0p: and with people at work, particularly the students, i don't want to just...
d3wdr0p: move in too fast so to speak
Son0fBruce: and even having those problems
d3wdr0p: because it's not the same
d3wdr0p: as just getting to know my fellow students d3wdr0p: from pepperdine
d3wdr0p: or peers i mean
d3wdr0p: i know i have to take into account the fact that it hasn't been that long yet since we started this internship
d3wdr0p: i think it's just the sense of urgency
d3wdr0p: not wanting to waste time
d3wdr0p: not wanting to just.. miss out.
d3wdr0p: because i'm too tired, discouraged, etc. d3wdr0p: it's hard not expecting God to move in certain ways. or having certain expectations.. .
Pray for...
Aftermath of a fire in Balic-Balic...
- we literally just found out last night about a fire that broke out in Balic-Balic, railroad track slum community that Servant Partners ministers to... 10 homes were burned, 3 of those homes were completely destroyed, but praise God that no one was hurt
- pray for strength, wisdom for the church leaders/community as they work together to uplift and provide for those with particularly desperate needs (we currently have new SP staff training there with Aaron and Emma)
- pray that Jesus will be more relevant than ever
Karen...
she is a fellow SP intern who is from out of state, just spent $800 fixing her car (which she needs to get to and from the job she just started on Monday) and it isn't starting. She is feeling overwhelmed and carrying the weight of making wrong decision after decision, as well as her parents worrying and saying "I told you so... where is God now?"
Beth, Jen, Molly, and Casey...
- to find full time and another part time job (Casey)
- to decide, in wisdom, whether to take the jobs that they will be offered
My household - Jen, Casey, Molly (as well as all 15 of us interns as a community)... for us to commit to each other and to do whatever it takes, in love, to help one another to grow in the Lord.
My neighborhood on and around my street... that the reign of Jesus Christ will be evident.
My family... that my mom, dad, Jonny, and Lydia will be changed daily by Jesus
Me...
- restored hope, joy, rest (physical, spiritual, mental, emotional)
- to persevere, especially each day as I pray with a heavy heart about work, and run like a mad chicken until after 6 p.m. (the time that I should be leaving work, but usually don't) only to feel like I can never accomplish enough or do well enough, despite giving my best effort (does this sound like anything but faith through God's grace??)
- to hear and love the word of God and to obey
- the 10 minute devotional that I'll be sharing in front of 17 people on Sunday (other SP interns + SP staff), which I have yet to prepare... pray that I'll hear afresh from God about something He's already burned into my core
"We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the SPirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:22-25
for, through, by, in JESUS,
court
P.S.
If you are not busy this Saturday night, Nov. 4, there is a Servant Partners Community Night in Pasadena for those who are interested in finding out more about this ministry and the work that is being done... please email me if you would like more info!!
Monday, September 11, 2006
New Family
Photos: Our first family photo at Santa Monica beach during the outing that the 2nd year planned for us first years during orientation weekend (Molly, my roomie Jen, Casey); Molly looking quite happy enjoying the omelette, toast, and tea that the three of us made for her the morning of her birthday; the backyard of the internship director's home where it all began for me back in March during interview weekend (doesn't it look so peaceful, especially with the tree?); my fellow first year interns enjoying a meal in a circle; a plate of the deelish dinner that Jen made one night; our kitchen; and our lovely, warm-hued living room (thanks to Anton, Julia, and my lil' sis Lydia for a superb paint job; if you look closely at the ceiling you can see Lydia's little footprints)!
I'm finally posting on my new blog!! :0)
There is so much to share, I don't know where to begin. Simply because I am short on time, I'm going to let go of the need to "make sense" in the flow of my post and just write.
At the moment, I am just finishing up packing completely for Manila. I hate packing. Thank you to Mom for bringing me all my necessities, as I haven't had a car this past week, and for helping me to pack most of my stuff. I really need to grow up, but in the meantime, am beyond thankful that God gave me such an incredibly loving and sacrificial mother.
I've been living at my new home since September 1, and it feels like it's been longer. I truly feel at home here! I have enjoyed the company of my roomie, Jen, and housemates Molly and Casey IMMENSELY. They are amazing women!!! The fact that I feel at home here is so GOD because I totally wasn't ready to begin living here a week ago. We are taking care of our home well thus far, and it's been enjoyable to share groceries and some meals together. I'm also learning already how much intention it really takes to do small acts of love every day, stuff like washing dishes that weren't used by me, cleaning when I don't really have to do it this time, being aware of how many times my roomie or housemates take out the trash, and being intentional about doing it more myself; not coming home from work carrying the day's crap into our home with me... This is really good stuff, but not necessarily easy of course, and I pray that I will learn to actively love my parents, Lydia, and Jonny better through all that God's doing in me through my new household.
Community
I am already experiencing it like never before. We all barely know each other (a few are good friends with each other because they went to the same college, but otherwise we all don't know each other), and the dynamics are interesting because there's only one brother (half of the married couple), but we've already begun to share with the kind of vulnerability that would normally take awhile to build. During the first weekend of orientation, we debriefed a lot together, and prayed together, and confessed our sins before one another. Many of us are bringing deep wounds from the past into our households, and into this internship, but we are acknowledging that "the whole package" is what God intends for us to begin this internship with.
The Book of Nehemiah Coming to Life
Most of the interns come from an InterVarsity background, and the internship director himself, Kevin Blue, was on full time IV staff for a long time. Thus, when we studied the first part of the book of Nehemiah during the first weekend, we did it inductively, meaning the entire book of Nehemiah was printed out on regular white printer paper, double spaced, and the chapter breaks are eliminated so that we can read the book straight through (this is called a manuscript). We spend some time reading a portion of it individually, noting repeating words/themes/phrases, as well as questions, background info, other Scripture verses to refer to, etc. Then we come together as a group to share, and to allow the Holy Spirit to lead us through the Bible study as a community.
It is amazing that what God has been burning on my heart this past school year regarding restoring Himself to His people through His Spirit is what Nehemiah is about. Nehemiah, a cupbearer to the king, finds out that his people in Jerusalem have been without the presence of the Lord because the walls around the temple were brutally destroyed. He fasts and prays on behalf of his people, whom he does not know personally. With the favor of the king, and God most of all, upon him, Nehemiah is able to get all the resources he needs to set out for Jerusalem to submit himself to live there among the people long term, and to cast the vision to rebuild this wall that has long been destroyed, so that God's people will know His name and presence once more. Who would've thought that a book of the Old Testament can be this applicable to what the Holy Spirit is doing not only here in LA but all around the world?? Nehemiah is such an inspiring leader... no matter what happened, blessing or hardship, he responded by acknowledging the Lord and praying. God used him mightly to restore HIMSELF to people who had forgotten that they were to be the dwelling place of God.
And yet, as much as studying the Scriptures in this way has sparked in me a renewed longing to know the LORD more deeply through the Word, I know that I lack still in this area and truly need prayer for discipline to spend that quality face time with God every single day.
Manila
We leave at 10:10 p.m. tonight from LAX. I can't believe it!!! I really don't know what to expect, although we're reading a couple chapters of a book called Dispossessed on the plane ride over. I found out last week that I will be separated from the rest of the group along with two other first year interns. The three of us, plus Michelle, an SP staff member, will be in a squatter community named Pajo for most of the time, while everyone else will be 45 minutes away in Belic-Belic. We'll be staying with host families, and I know there is at least one work day where we'll have a chance to get dirty and do manual labor. I have a feeling I will definitely be making some cultural blunders, but that is to be expected of all of us. We'll be learning a bit of Tagalog. I know I'm going to be so humbled, because deep down I'm still going into this trip thinking that I'll be the one who has something to give, when in reality... God wants to give me something that I sorely lack right now, whatever that may be. I desperately want to be fully present, and to receive.
I know all of us desire to totally be present during our time in Manila, whatever it is that we'll be doing and however uncomfortable we'll be. I have a strong sense that God's going to rock me in a good way while I'm there, and I'm sure I won't be the only one. I just don't want to be distracted the way that I have been since this internship has begun. I need prayer for focus...
My parents are pretty concerned about my safety, health, etc. so please pray that the Holy Spirit will be their peace, and will still their hearts and remind them that HE IS GOD.
Thank you thank you thank you!!!
As always, thank you so so SO MUCH for your love, support, and PRAYERS, most of all. I don't know where I would be without them!!! Already, after a week of deep discouragement/stress/grief because of the most overwhelming week of work thus far, and also my lack of focus on the Lord at all times, I am deeply renewed, especially after this weekend of not having to think about work at all. I know it's because the Lord hears your prayers! Jesus fully redeems, hallelujah!!
On a more sober note... here are some articles that I read this morning that moved me to pray for our country, and for our brothers and sisters who are crying out for help and dying in Sudan, specifically Darfur. If nothing else, please pray:
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/11/nyregion/nyregionspecial3/11bush.html?th&emc=th
http://www.nytimes.com/2006/09/10/world/africa/10darfur.html?pagewanted=3&fta=y
"Remember the instruction you gave your servant Moses, saying, 'If you are unfaithful, I will scatter you among the nations, but if you return to me and obey my commands, then even if your exiled people are at the farthest horizon, I will gather them from there and bring them to the place I have chosen as a swelling for my Name. They are your servants and your people, whom you redeemed by your great strength, and your mighty hand. O LORD, let your ear be attentive to the prayer of this Your servant and to the prayer of Your servants who delight in revering Your name." Nehemiah 1:8-10
See you when I get back on September 29!!!!!
in HIS mercy,
Court
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